Never Trust Google

DDDRRRUUUUNNK

Ok, so I am drunk and watching Mrs. Doubtfire.

(googled Mrs. Doubtfire and this bitch showed up. If you are a woman and show up in a google image search as a man pretending to be a woman....you have problems!)

UGH I have SOOO mcuh to say. Let's start with Robin Williams...bitch, you are NOT funny. Take your depressed child of the 90's (Matilda) and fucking disappear. Oh, you have a speech impediment little girl? Lisps do not a good actress make!

(bitch on right)

Blah, blah, blah...wwwwhhhaaatttt? Does the cinematic equivelant of hard up consist of chinese meals?? Because let's be real, chinese take out is a fucking treat for me. Fucking treat.

HATE Robin Williams.


OK, also, I hate Sally Fields in this. You have to drop off something at the post office!? Bitch is lying!!!! It's dark out. Post Office ho's are asleep by then. They DO NOT work when it turns dark. They are not elves!

Also...P.S Sally Field...don't tell Pierce Brosnan that you are a "professional woman". Fuck you. Professional...oh what? Are you constantly fighting against prejudices pertaining to woman in the workforce...because you should! Oh I am sooo sorry Sally Field that someone might think that you are upset over being divorced and having your low budget 90's actor children be left without care. They are your kids bitch! So yes, you should be fucking worried and less "professional". This movie fucking sucks. I want to slap (face push) everyone in it!!!!

UGH I am going to go puke in my garbage disposal. FML

All I Want for Christmas

If anyone is listening (cough cough Santa), please get me this personalized Bible...Why? Because it's personal... .com that is!

If I was at someones house and saw a bible...a) I would already be creeped out b) if I opened said bible and found that this persons name had been awkwardly inserted (that's what he said) into passages...I would get the fuck out ASAP

That shit is creepy

Big Black Dick

Things I Learned While On A Cruise:

1. I have developed one more crippling phobia... I won't go in small swimming pools full of gross people. Honestly, this was the smallest pool I have ever seen...SO small that people were just standing in it due to the lack of room to move

2. When the cruise ship charges you for every little thing (popcorn, cokes, drinks etc) their all inclusive meals become easy payback...by the end of the trip my order at dinner was the following

Appetizer: Steak

Soup: Steak

Salad: Steak

Main Course: Steak with a side of steak

Dessert: Steak

3. Jamaica is dangerous and everyone appears to be unemployed

4. The Cayman Islands have a sense of humour (see Black Dick above)

5. International waters are NOT without laws

To The Recipient of My Drunken Halloween Text...

Why do I feel like Tony Montana anytime I am remotely near you and yours?

Drunk Goggles

Add in the lingering smell of urine and this photo sums up every 3:00am Blue Line experience I have ever had

6 Reason's I'm a Vampire (According to Wikipedia)

1. Vampires are said to subsist "by feeding on the life essence of living creatures"....check

 

2. "Vampires often visited loved ones and caused mischief or deaths in the neighborhoods they inhabited when they were alive"...check

 

3. "In modern fiction, the vampire tends to be depicted as a suave, charismatic villain."...check

 

4. "Vampires are extremely strong - even the new dead are capable of lifting cars."...check

 

5. "Vampires are able to appear human only after years of practice"...check

 

6. "When a vampire first rises, it may be confused or dangerous"...check

 

Last Night

NOT Appetizing

Would you like some cranberries?

They're straight from the BBBBOOOGGG

Sick

Drunk Goggles

Every blog I read is always mocking the fact that Ali Lohan looks like she is an old hag...I agree she looks old as fuck considering she is 15.

I mean really....there is clearly something wrong here. I just can't decide if it's the fact she looks like a 30 year old housewife or...Angie Harmon!!

Mystery solved!

Passout Princess

This man may be legitimately dead, but he still counts as a passout princess

Drunk Goggles

Is this an unauthorized Jay Leno Frankenstein?? Only at Ino's and only at 3am...

This High Life

1. Six words you never want to hear:  Herpes Viral Infection Of The Eye

2. Is your wig squeezing your brain too tight, heffer?!?!- LOVE NeNe


3. Holy Trannies!

4. Ok... not to harp on the above commercial BUT...I need to harp on the above commercial. Is it just me or do one of the men resemble Venom from Spiderman 3?

You be the judge...

5. They really need to bring back Adventures in Wonderland (AKA Adventures in Green Screens)

6. I just downloaded $30 in Langhorne Slim songs

LANGHORNE SLIM "Worries" (dublab VisionVersion) from dublab on Vimeo.

Drunk Wedding Consultation

Passout Princess-Crackhead Edition

oh hey drunk/dead crackhead! are you tired/dead?

let's get closer...he appears to be breathing and his phone is on...maybe he isn't dead...?

oh no bitch is passed out!!! sleepy crackhead!!!

Thanks Tim

What to say when you are hungover and can't make it to work...

Subject: Not feeling well...

Hey everyone

I’m sorry to do this, but I’ve been having really bad stomach cramps all morning and they are not getting better so I think I’m going to have to take off and work from home.  It’s seriously so bad that I feel like I could potentially be on the show “I didn’t know I was pregnant”…but I’m hoping that this is not the case.  I will be back online in about a half hour and I’ll be able to cover all of my projects and my to-do list.

Thanks for understanding

Tim

Passout Princess

Thanks Annie

ECONOMY!

Finish this sentence: You know the economy is bad when...

What the fuck?  I wouldn't even do this shit with beer!

Really though... who was the person at this marking meeting who had the balls to raise their hand and say "um...you know, in this economy...it might be a great idea to point out that you can ring the soda back into the glass..."

Furthermore... who was the person who responded with "that's genius! Write it in."